A New Foundation

    So, I've learned my newly realized neuro-divergent reality is packed with a lot of retroactive learning. Meaning, I'm learning or relearning things that should have been foundational as they were prerequisites to me living comfortably and productively. All this because recently I've found out about my maladaptive urgency mindset, I don't know if thats a real term. But in this mindset, I categorize everything as urgent, not bc it is....but because thats how my experience interaction with non ND people has conditioned me. "Hurry up, Youssuf" confused looks, eyes rolled, and at times flat out scoldings have taught me to think everything is urgent, I'm always delinquent, i need to apologize, chastise myself... bc thats what these people have done and they must be doing it bc they know its necessary. Did i mention being over deferential is also a part of this conditioning? 

This is another struggle packed on top of my constant overthinking and battling myself. I right now think others may see me as unclean, maybe I have bugs in my belongings and that also adds to the perception of my uncleanliness. 

But not to harp on what may seem negative, I'm not the problem. 

If this may seem like "woke" mental health vulnerability, attention seeking to you, it does to me, too!